How a devastating life crisis turned into my biggest opportunity for change

As I lay awake in bed next to my husband, what had begun as whispering for me to leave him became a shout. No – it was screaming at me: “get out”, “get out”, “get out”.

It was the end of my life as I knew it. My hopes, my dreams, my entire life was over. 

I called my best friend and she spoke these words down the phone: “congratulations”. 

Had it been that obvious?!

I hadn’t wanted this. I’d wanted the fairy tale. The happily ever after. I’d done everything I possibly could do to avoid doing this, but if I hadn't ended my marriage it would have meant the end of me.  

I had two children to take care of and their responsibility and their future happiness relied on me not repeating history. 

I didn’t know how I was going to do it, how I was going to survive by myself – but I just knew there had to be another way. I was determined that my story was not going to end in lifelong misery.

There was fear there – but at this stage the fear of leading an unhappy life outweighed the fear of change.

What I didn’t know at the time was that it was the start of an amazing new life, a new beginning. It marked the initiation of the real me. It literally catapulted me out of codependency, out of being unsatisfied with the work I had been in before and into wanting more – for me on my own terms. 

More of what was right for me. Not what I had been led to believe was right. Not what I had let myself get carried away in. And with that all came the end of being a victim and the start of personal empowerment. 

I realised I had been on the wrong train for a long time – I had jumped on the wrong train way back and because I’d been preoccupied with the children and dealing with an unhappy existence I’d let it run.

I’d stayed on that train for far too long. Like my marriage, knowing it wasn’t right for me anymore – but failing to take action. Because of fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of change. Because I listened to other people's fear for me and not to what my heart was telling me! 

And was it worth it? Absolutely.

I’m not suggesting that everyone leaves their marriage. It's a serious decision and one that cannot be taken lightly. I know many people who have made their marriage work through hard work and mutual respect. 

But if something is making you really unhappy, be it a job or a relationship and you know you cannot grow AS YOU in that place then at some stage it's time to listen to what you really want from life. And do something for you… and in turn for your children or your loved ones. 

It didn’t happen overnight. It was a process. I went down hill before I came back up again. I was alone, I was desperate, my finances were in shambles… but bit by bit as I let go of my past I made space for the new. 

I started to listen to that voice from within. Not the one in my head. The one in my heart. I stopped turning to a glass of wine expecting things to change and started walking in nature, started reading books about mental health, personal growth, neuroscience, human consciousness, the quantum field - you name it. I listened to podcasts and enrolled on Mind valley courses, started on my life coaching diploma and trained to be an RTT Therapist. I started looking after my body, started listening to other points of view. I started opening my eyes and my heart. 

I got creative about my potential and started learning new skills, ones that really interested me. 

The writer, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about nurturing your purpose like a secret lover. And that's what it feels like when you start to delve into what lights you up. It feels special, it feels like you are doing something just for you and it fills your heart with joy. With knowing. 

A few years earlier, from my limited perspective I had been mocking the idea of life coaching. Taking the piss because I couldn’t understand what it was. I hold my head in shame when I think of that judgement and that ignorance. We judge far too often in society because of our own narrow mindedness, not even willing to look at things from another perspective to see if it may work for us. Taking our first opinion and setting it in stone instead of being curious. 

It's through life coaching that I started to learn how to believe in myself. And it was amazing. It woke me up to me! To what I was really worth and what I could be capable of. 

I started to make a plan on my own terms. One that lit me up. One that I felt represented who I was. And it was like magic. 

Yes there were times that were difficult. Anyone who has been through a divorce can tell you that. Some of your old friends can be awkward as they try to navigate their own triggers with respect to separation and friendship. 

It was lonely at first – getting used to being alone. When you are used to a different reality it takes time to adjust,  but I discovered myself and as a result will never be lonely again.

I discovered MY life purpose – to help other people let go of their past and help them connect to themselves and their purpose so they can love more deeply. Love themselves and others around them. 

Ironically my purpose hasn’t changed since I was at university studying for my masters in Social Anthropology. Back then, I wanted to make the world a better place – a more understanding, more loving place and had got into TV production to make an impact. But like so many before me – I had hopped on the wrong train in that industry and ended up making corporate videos that meant nothing to me. Rather than light up my soul I found myself wondering what I was doing. 

How did I end up there? At the time it seemed easier to keep on with what I was doing rather than rock the boat. I ignored the itch. I stayed on that train… and my soul lost its light just a little bit more… until I started to believe that that was the way it was. That was just the way it had to be… and I forgot my purpose. It got buried somewhere underneath everyone else's needs. 

Until the personal crisis – and then it was forced back to life. It was forced to say - “Hey - you” What are you up to? You don’t want this life? You want more”. 

And so when I was left with nothing else. MY SELF came back up to the surface. It showed its beautiful head once more. 

That crisis was the thing that actually changed my life for the better.

And I'd do it again every second of the day. 

Because – what's the point in living a lie? What's the point in living in misery? As it happens my ex husband and I are still very close. He is like my brother now. I have not lost him. I feel like I've gained a friend rather than stayed with an enemy. 

We only have one life in this body. We only have one shot. So why not follow your heart? Believe in yourself and what you are really capable of. Smash through those limiting beliefs about yourself and the world around you. 

If you love what you do – you can make a difference. Not only for yourself but for the world around you. 

I'm not suggesting to just up sticks and leave without a plan. Whether it be a marriage or a job. No!

It took time for me to discover what I really wanted. To get clear, to build the confidence I needed in myself to take aligned action. But it was fun. It was fun and rewarding and fulfilling. 

That's why I've decided to help other people break free from what's not working for them, get clear on what their purpose is, help them believe in themselves and put it into action. 

If you are interested in rocking your purpose then why not join my free facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rockyourlifepurpose/ or if you’d like to take action now and work with me then come along over to my site and arrange a clarity call.

Bio:

Charlotte Ferrier is a mindset and embodiment coach and an RTT therapist who specialises in helping people get clear, get confident and take aligned action so they can live in abundance over all areas of their lives. https://www.charlotteferrier.com/find-your-purpose-the-easy-way-with-rtt-coaching-energy